With Love, Philadelphia

Philadelphia has many well-known attractions: the liberty bell, the Art Museum, Independence Hall, and of course the Rocky Statue. People in search of a history filled getaway often travel to the City of Brotherly Love to experience first hand the place where the Constitution was signed (and to see how freakishly small James Madison was).

Unfortunately though, the history and wonder of Philadelphia are often overshadowed by its rather grim current situation. Like this...and the nicknames "Killadelphia" and "Philthadelphia" have done little to encourage people to pick my town as their vacation destination.

Well, the folks at gophila.com have had ENOUGH! They have launched a rather clever campaign to lure tourists to the city. Touting attractions such as out BYOBs, our World Champion Phillies, and our friendly gays. The campaign includes billboards and TV ads that are seriously funny and catchy. Now here's the problem: THEY ARE IN PHILADELPHIA!! I, a resident of Philadelphia, do not really need much in the way of persuading to take advantage of what my city has to offer. I am no marketing expert but it seems to me that the placement of these ads might be more effective if located in places that ARE NOT Philadelphia.

So as a courtesy to gophila.com and as a declaration of pride in my city I am sharing these efforts with you via the border crossing world wide webs!!

Come visit!!!

GrammarStar

In case you haven't heard the news, the Great Recession has come to an end! Well it has if you work for Goldman Sachs anyway. I have spent the last couple days lamenting my lot in life and my unearned millions. "Why", I have questioned, did I choose a life of public service over a lucrative banking career (the fact that Goldman has never floated a 7 figure offer my way is neither here nor there). It is my understanding that Goldman has been able to end its recession by employing the best and brightest in the field of finance. Now here is where my "I'm gonna go work for Goldman" plan hits a major snag. NO ONE would call me the best or the brightest when it comes to finances. I like to think that I am pretty adept at addition, subtraction, and multiplication. I can even usually figure out the appropriate gratuity for a check in my head. But when it comes to things like long division, fractions, or managing my personal finances I am pretty much useless.

So realizing that finance is not where my skills lie, I was left to ask myself what am I truly good at? In what areas am I the best and the brightest? The answer I arrived at (or should I say the answer at which I arrived...) : GRAMMAR. My grammar pedigree is undeniable. I was the recipient of the prestigious Carlisle E. Snively Award for Excellence in English. My superior skills allowed me to pass out of 9th grade grammar. My sentence diagramming skills are known and revered the world over.


Now the tricky part...How can I parlay this skill into a life of private jets and multi-million dollar bonuses? Comments, suggestions, and consulting offers welcome.

No Vacancy

Sincerest apologies for my absence. I don't even have a great reason for denying you regular insight to my impossibly exciting life. There has been lots of fun stuff going on but some not fun stuff (i.e. work) has kept me from sharing with you! I have been to the country, to the races (hopefully more on this later) and have transformed my 1 bedroom apt. into a boarding house of sorts.

My cousin Jenn is staying with me for two weeks while she works as my intern (that's right, not only am i NOT an intern...i HAVE an intern). She has been assiduously checking things of my to-do list at work while I made long overdue hair and doctor's appointments and tend to some vacation planning for 2010. If it weren't for the living arrangements I'd wish she could stay indefinitely...I am sure a solid internship such as this one would more than compensate for her not finishing high school. As for that living situation: COZY. I live in a one bedroom apartment which feels big enough for Rafa and me about 60% of the time. That percentage tends toward zero with an extra guest. We have inflated a queen sized air mattress in the middle of the living room which has turned that area into a quasi-moonbounce. This makes maneuvering in the space challenging but Rafa LOVES birthday-party feel of both the moonbounce and the slumber party guest (more faces to lick in the morning).

All in all, I think the experience is going to be a good one for all involved but it is very time consuming having to entertain a 17 year old so bear with me for the next week!!

STAY AWAY!!!

Since Rafa entered my life I have ventured out in my neighborhood at hours previously unknown to me (before 7am and after 10pm). And as I have mentioned here , this has led to some interesting but rather disturbing encounters. Even after Rafa and I survived the naked dude, creepy encounters persisted. Enough to definitely make me leery of venturing out of my apartment at odd hours.

So, I relay these and other stories to my father over the phone last week. My father is not one to overreact. In fact, his response is typically so laid back some might mistake it for neglect or indifference. Apparently, though, telling your dad that creepy men are approaching you at night is enough to get a reaction. After a completely not kidding conversation about whether or not I would consider purchasing and carrying a gun on my walks, he settled for pepper spray.

He called the next week to follow up to see if I had purchased the agreed upon pepper spray (i had not....Wawa doesn't carry it FYI). In the intervening week, he'd had time to think up some alternative self-defense strategies for his pumpkin. Had I considered carrying a big, heavy umbrella with me, he asked. I explained to him the impracticality of walking a puppy while carrying a giant golf umbrella/weapon. (I kept to myself the other downside of looking like a total lunatic and thereby canceling out and cuteness Rafa adds to my image!). I promised him I would get the pepper spray ASAP.

While out walking Rafa the next day my phone rings again....Big B two days in a row (mind you he has now called me more in this month than the last 4 months combined).
CB: "Hi Dad".
BB: "Carly I have been thinking about your safety some more"
CB: "OK"
BB: "You carry your cell phone when you walk right"
CB: "Yep"
BB: "If that guy comes up to you again, I want you to pull out your cell phone and stick it right in his face and take a picture and say STAY AWAY!!!!"
CB: "OK Dad. Will do"

I kept to myself that I would have to pull out the cell phone, hit MY PIX wait for it to load, get the perp in sight, and then forcefully ask him to stand closer to the street light b/c this thing doesn't have a flash.

Here Comes the Sun. Or Not.

One day it started raining, and it didn't quit for four months. We been through every kind of rain there is. Little bitty stingin' rain... and big ol' fat rain. Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight up from underneath. - Forrest Gump

I have been thinking variations of that sentiment since what feels like forever. The calendar says that it is the middle of June. A cursory glance out the widow, however, says early March. WTF weather?!?! It feels like it has been gray and damp for eternity. And, frankly, I have had enough!

When I was in middle school I remeber reading this short story by Ray Bradbury. I can't remember what it was called but it told the story of a planet where it was only sunny once every 4 years (or something like that). Every other day it just rained or was dark (again, I can't remember the title so I may be taking some liberties with the details here). Well, on the day that it was going to be sunny, the kids at school were getting ready to go outside for recess and soak up enough glorious sunshine to get them through the next interminable rain spell. That was all well and good for everyone EXCEPT THE GIRL THEY LOCKED IN THE CLOSET.

I feel like that little girl right now, like I may never see sun again.

Bravo, Bravo!!

Check out that botox!!

About a year ago I was sent a link to a website called Stuff White People Like. I, being white, found much I could relate to on this list such as #85 The Wire #53 Dogs and #87 Outdoor Performance Clothing.

I would like to focus this post on # 28 Not Having a TV. I have lived without a TV before and even when I have had one I don't really watch a lot of TV. When I do, it is usually tennis or reruns of Scrubs and House. Now there are a bunch of reasons....I am bad at remembering to do stuff (like watching a show on a specific day at a specific time) and b/c my attention span isn't really great enough for TV. Even when I try to watch TV I found myself doing other things like right now when I sat down to watch Barefoot Contessa but instead am writing this blog. Oh yeah, I also like feeling intellectually and morally superior when I can inject a smug "no I didn't see it...I don't really watch TV" into conversations about pop culture.

Whatever, that is all in the past now. NOW I have The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I don't care about books or blogs anymore. Bravo has given me Theresa, Dina, Caroline, Jaqueline, and Danielle. They are in a word: Brilliant. Unlike, Bravo's previous attempts at this Real Housewife genre in NYC and the OC, this one really captures the lifestyle of these women. And as a result, it is nothing short of addictive. Like crystal meth addictive. I was late for my birthday dinner because I could not pry my mesmerized body away from the TV.

I have seen a few minutes here and there of the other seasons and found them to be unwatchable. The women were horrible and above all phony. The entire episode featured these broads posturing and flaunting for the TV. NOT JERSEY though!!!! All that over the top stuff is real!! And theses women KNOW they are ridiculous. They are tan, they drive ridiculous cars, they have accents, and they pay CASH!!!

I am going to use my new DVR to make sure I don't miss an episode. I freaking love it.

Another Year, Another Birthday

Last Saturday marked yet another anniversary of my birth. It was the 24th such anniversary (do not believe those slanderous haters on Facebook masquerading as "friends" so that they can malign me with their talk of "last year of your 20s" and other lies).

The day started a bit on the rough side. Rafa-bear and I went for our morning walk at about 5:45. Our route typically takes us just around the block...long enough to get the business done and get back in bed! On this morning we crossed the street in order to avoid the french fry land mine that is my neighborhood cafe after a Friday night (rafa bear has yet to learn that feasting on the buffet of street garbage in my hood does not really agree with his system). I digress...the move across the street turned out to be incredibly ill-fated. While rafa was sniffing around some grass I heard a man's voice. It being 5:45 on a saturday morning, it was very easy to hear. So I reflexively turn toward the voice and see a tall dude standing there, as irony would have it, in his BIRTHDAY SUIT shaking what his mama gave him. I screamed and yanked Rafa away toward the safety of our home. I alerted my neighbor who was outside and asked him to call 911. He didn't seem to get what all the fuss was about. THERE IS A NAKED MAN ON THE CORNER he seemed more amused that mortally threatened.

Anywho, the day was nothing but up from there!!! A trip to the gym, shopping for a birthday frock in Center City, a great dinner, and even better after dinner dancing with great friends. Nothing says 24 like bottle service and go-go dancers!!! Paparazi shots below (sorry, no photos from the morning walk):

What up cuz? what up gangsta??

I believe this the down low portion my Up High In the Middle Down Low signature move.